I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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