I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Randomize
