Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
