well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I still have a little drunk in my system
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
