so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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