"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
