i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
