Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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