I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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