I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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