I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
