I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
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