Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize