I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
