I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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