actually, I'm a sock model
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
