How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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