THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
barbara walters just said penis...
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
