apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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