haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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