P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
