my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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