if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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