you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
They took my balls.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
