This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Randomize
