I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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