My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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