My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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