Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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