He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
