new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
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