After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
