just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
