a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize