what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Randomize
