I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
