I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize