he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
