sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
