If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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