A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
