Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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