why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
