I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
