I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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