when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
