Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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