When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize