No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
