Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
