im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
