forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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