let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize