Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
