They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
