I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
