He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
