i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
