A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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