...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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