Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
