I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
