This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
