Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
