she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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