I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You dont lie about slip and slides
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
