1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Randomize
