I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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