It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
