I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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