I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
