The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
