i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
