And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
