I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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