You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
