omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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