that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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