Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Randomize
