TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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