I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize