Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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