Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
