Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
