wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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