I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
