your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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