Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
