we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize