i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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