I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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