Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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