I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
