Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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