Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
