hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
