I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
