Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
