dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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