That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
