Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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