in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
