went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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