what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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